The more confidently you turn down things that don’t serve you, the more space you’ll have to welcome opportunities that truly align with your goals. Use the tips below to take control of your time—and your calendar.
You’re Not a Starving Puppy
Unlike a hungry pup that gobbles up everything in sight, fearing it may never be fed again, you are a capable, accomplished professional with no shortage of options. Saying “no” to what doesn’t serve you is actually a powerful step toward saying “yes” to what does.
Here’s how to do it with confidence and grace:
1. Be Polite and Respectful
Listen attentively without cutting off the person making the request. Acknowledge their ask respectfully, then honor your right to decline just as respectfully.
2. Keep It Simple
When trying new behaviors, it’s easy to overdo it. Stay calm, steady, and polite. You don’t need to apologize, ask for permission, or overexplain. A simple, composed “no, thank you” is enough.
3. Don’t Justify Your Answer
You’re not obligated to give a reason—especially if it’s personal or not something you want to discuss. Phrases like “I’m not available for that,” or “Sorry, I won’t be able to help,” work perfectly well.
4. Let the Blame Fall Elsewhere
If it helps, shift the refusal to something external: “That sounds great, but my calendar is completely full.” Now your schedule is the bad guy—not you.
5. Don’t Waver
Avoid getting pulled into back-and-forth discussions or negotiations. If you’ve decided to say no, stand firm. If the other person presses, you can either politely change the subject or excuse yourself entirely.
6. Redirect the Opportunity
If the request is flattering but doesn’t align with your goals, suggest someone else who might be a good fit. Bonus: encourage them to mention your name—it keeps you helpful and professional.
7. Know What Deserves a “Yes”
Get clear on your priorities—personal, professional, or otherwise. That way, you’ll recognize when a request aligns with your goals. For instance, turning down a random speaking engagement may be wise, but if you’re a corporate employment lawyer and invited to present to 200 HR executives, it may be worth rearranging your schedule.
8. Keep a Graceful Backup Response
When in doubt, use an all-purpose line:
Smile warmly and say, “Not just now, thank you.”
It’s polite, clear, and works in almost any situation.
